What’s a mistake most guys make when trying to get a girlfriend?
07.06.2025 12:26
Way too many men want to “get” a girlfriend, like she's a nice car or a limited edition collectible. She is pictured doing all these lovely things for the guy, but his views on what he will do for her are often very surface-level and do not require him to actually do anything difficult.
He will… well, girls don't like sex, right? It's an obligation for her, so it doesn't matter that he doesn't like to perform cunnilingus and he doesn't keep his nails trimmed and feels weird about vibrators.
Wanting a relationship in general is not the same as wanting a relationship with a particular human being based on compatibility. Women seem to be a bit farther ahead in grokking this as a cohort than men are as a cohort.
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These are patterns that I keep seeing women discussing - patterns that I have found in several of my own dating relationships. The lady goes out with a guy who bemoans how hard it was for him to be single, then, once he has her invested, demonstrates WHY it was so hard for him to be single - because he doesn't know how to function without a Mommy who he can also have sex with. It is unattractive in the extreme. Personally, seeing a man regress into high school or middle school behavior made the idea of sex feel downright pedophilic.
She will give him sex, and validation, and be in his corner, and keep his house nice, and make him attractive to other women, and make him feel masculine and virile.
To summarize, a partner is a nice addition to your life, but they are not now, nor have they ever been a “thing” that one can “get.” Looking at human relationships that way primes the relationship for failure, if one can even manage to persuade the other party that they DO actually like them as people.
He will… well, Mom never complained about the skid marks, or about the fact that he never washed a dish without getting the entire kitchen wet, and his college roommates never cared that he couldn't cook anything more complex than microwave nachos or that he didn't own sheets. That's what a girlfriend or a wife is for!
Not liking women in general and not liking her as a person in particular.
He will make his girlfriend feel so feminine! Maids are feminine! Moms are feminine! Prostitutes are feminine!
He will validate her, because women LOVE to be told how good they are at serving men, right?
He will be in her corner, unless her corner is that she is having some kind of annoying interpersonal drama that doesn't really concern him, like his mom is bullying her, but if a stranger is rude to his girlfriend, then he’ll punch that guy in the nose! Unless he's bigger or more threatening.
He will never cheat just because some women want a man who can successfully attract another woman, unless, ya know, the temptation is overwhelming. It's really her fault for one of her friends being a backstabbing bitch. She should understand that the friend bears all of the guilt, here, because he couldn't possibly turn down offered sex, especially because Girlfriend is now so frigid.
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But these men never once realized how they contributed to their own singlehood, because they didn't like any woman enough to treat her as a person. She is always as human to him as a Roomba with a Fleshlight attached would be. Because of this, these men cannot maintain any relationships they get. And women have definitely cottoned on to this pattern, which makes US even less likely to engage.